Habits of Considerate People

Habits of Considerate People
体贴人的八种习惯
哲学家亚瑟·叔本华曾经说过：“蜡之可贵，在于燃烧自己温暖他人，人之可贵
，在于屈尊敬贤彬彬有礼”，事实的确如此。善意与体贴能够抚慰人心，让别
人更容易接受你的想法。
Philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer once said, “Politeness is to human
nature what warmth is to wax.” It’s true. Being kind and considerate
softens people and makes them malleable to your way of thinking.

不仅如此，我觉得这句话还别有深意。他也在告诉我们：体贴待人是人性不可或缺的重要
品质。查尔斯·达尔文一定会赞同这个观点，因为他曾说过，比起自私，人类有着更加强烈
的本能，想去善待他人。
But I see another meaning there, too. I think he’s also saying that being
considerate of others is an integral part of what it means to be human. Charles
Darwin would have agreed. He argued that our instinct to be considerate is even
stronger than our instinct to be self-serving.

这看起来似乎是明摆着的，但直到最近，神经科学才解释出了个中缘由。加州大学伯克利
分校教授达沙·卡尔特纳的研究表明，我们看到别人经历痛苦时的脑部反应，与我们自己经
历痛苦时别无二致。看到别人经历痛苦，同样会刺激我们大脑深处负责照料行为的结构—
—中脑导水管周围灰质。
As obvious as that may seem, it’s only recently that neuroscience has been able
to explain why. Research conducted by Dacher Keltner at Berkeley showed that
our brains react exactly the same when we see other people in pain as when we
experience pain ourselves. Watching someone else experience pain also activates
the structure deep inside the brain that’s responsible for nurturing behavior,
called the periaqueductal gray.

体贴待人不仅有利于我们的职场生涯，而且对健康也大有裨益。当你对他人表示体贴，大
脑的奖赏中枢就会被触发，释放出更多令人愉悦的化学物质，如多巴胺、催产素和内啡肽
。这些物质让你感觉很好，类似于跑步运动员奋勇争先后产生的愉悦感，而且所有这些催
产素都有利于你的心脏健康。
Being considerate of others is certainly a good career move, but it’s also good
for your health. When you show consideration for others, the brain’s reward
center is triggered, which elevates the feel-good chemicals dopamine, oxytocin,
and endogenous opioids. This gives you a great feeling, which is similar to
what’s known as “runner’s high,” and all that oxytocin is good for your heart.

体贴待人让你走得更远，胜于一切大学或专业文凭——玛丽安·瑞特·埃德蒙
这句话听着很有道理，但可行性多高呢？我们怎样才能在身心忙碌的同时，利用有限的精
力表现的更加体贴呢？这其实不难，只要你能模仿这方面的佼佼者，养成以下几个体贴人
的好习惯。
That’s all well and good, but how practical is it? How do you become more
considerate when you have so many other things competing for your finite mental
energy? It’s not that hard—all you have to do is emulate the habits of highly
considerate people.

1、准时到场
的确，我们会被意外发生的事而延误，但是经常迟到是一种非常粗鲁的表现，因为它表明
的意思很明确：你的时间比任何人的时间都宝贵。即便你真的这样想，也犯不着将其公之
于众。相反，你应该考虑别人的感受，在你承诺的时间点准时到场。
Show up on time.
Sure, sometimes things happen, but always showing up late sends a very clear
message that you think your time is more important than everyone else’s, and
that’s just rude. Even if you really do think that your time is more important, you
don’t have to broadcast that belief to the world. Instead, be considerate and
show up when you said you would.

2、主动表达同情
产生同情心是一回事，将这种情感转化为行动却又完全是另外一回事。能够换位思考是一
件好事，事实上，也相当重要，但是这并不代表你很体贴。要做到这一点，你必须做到真
正设身处地的为他人着想，并且付诸行动，给予安慰或者为处于困境的人们提供实际帮助
。这需要足够的情商才能做到。
Be deliberately empathic.
It’s one thing to feel empathy for other people, but putting that feeling into
action is another matter entirely. It’s great to be able to put yourself in someone
else’s shoes—in fact, it’s essential—but that doesn’t necessarily translate into
being considerate. To be deliberately empathic, you have to let your ability to
walk in their shoes change what you do, whether that’s changing your behavior
to accommodate their feelings or providing tangible help in a tough situation.
This requires emotional intelligence.

3、该道歉时就道歉
我们都知道，人们普遍缺乏安全感，害怕冒犯他人，有时候甚至会为自己的呼吸而道歉。
在这种情况下，道歉是没有意义的。但是，在真正需要的时候，真诚的道歉将会意义非凡
。当你犯错时，甚至自认为犯了错时，道歉就是一种表达体贴的重要方式。
Apologize when you need to (and don’t when you don’t).
We all know people who are so insecure or so afraid of offending someone that
they practically apologize for breathing. In such situations, apologizing loses its
meaning. But it’s a different matter entirely when a sincere apology is really
necessary. When you’ve made a mistake, or even think you’ve made a mistake,
apologizing is a crucial part of being considerate.

4、笑口常开
生理学告诉我们，皱眉比微笑更容易，因为微笑的动作需要四十二个不同肌肉的配合。但
是这种努力是值得的，因为微笑对于他人来说往往意义非凡。人们在交谈时，往往会自然
地（下意识地）去模仿对方的身体语言。当你冲对方微笑时，对方也会下意识的向你微笑
，这样双方都会感到轻松愉快。
Smile a lot.
Physically，it’s easier to frown than to smile—smiling involves 42 different
muscles; however, it pays to make the extra effort, as smiling has a huge effect on
other people. People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of
the person they’re talking to. When you smile at people, they will unconsciously
return the favor and feel good as a result.

5、举止礼貌
很多人开始认为，礼貌不仅不必要，而且也不可取，因为他们认为礼貌是出于虚伪。这些
人认为，讲礼貌只不过是在掩盖自己内心真实的想法，这其实是一种非常错误的想法。 “
举止礼貌”关注的是对方的感受，而不是我们自身的感受。这是一种有意识的自觉行为，
其目的是让对方感到放松和舒适。
Mind your manners.
A lot of people have come to believe that not only are manners unnecessary,
they’re undesirable because they’re fake. These people think that being polite
means you’re acting in a way that doesn’t reflect how you actually feel, but
they’ve got it backwards. “Minding your manners” is all about focusing on
how the other person feels, not on how you feel. It’s consciously acting in a way
that puts other people at ease and makes them feel comfortable.

6、情绪管理
在我们的文化中，感受和将感受表达出来通常被认为是一回事，这其实是一个非常大的谬
误，因为它忽视了自制力的存在。体贴的人即使自己任务繁重，也愿意抽出时间帮助同事
，即使没有得到应有的回报，他们也会毫无怨言，不会将自己的感受表现出来。
Be emotionally intelligent.
One of the huge fallacies our culture has embraced is that feeling something is
the same as acting on that feeling, and that’s just wrong, because there’s this
little thing called self-control. Whether it’s helping out a co-worker when
you’re in a crunch to meet your own deadline or continuing to be pleasant with
someone who is failing to return the favor, being considerate often means not
acting on what you feel.

7、力求双赢
在很多人看来，生活就是一场零和游戏，有人赢就一定会有人输。体贴的人，正好相反，
他们总是尽力去创造双赢的局面。虽然并不是每次都能做到，但是这就是他们的目标。如
果你想变得更体贴，请珍视每一次的互动，而不要提前安排胜负的剧本。
Try to find a way for everybody to win.
Many people approach life as a zero-sum game. They think that somebody has to
win and somebody else has to lose. Considerate people, on the other hand, try to
find a way for everybody to win. That’s not always possible, but it’s their goal. If
you want to be more considerate, stop thinking of every interaction with others as
a win/lose scenario.

8、涉及他人需求的时候，跟着直觉走
当别人心情郁闷、运气不好的时候，我们有时是可以觉察到的。在这种情况下，你应该主
动与当事人交流，以检验自己的直觉是否正确。如果直觉告诉你应该伸出援手，那么就应
该付诸行动，他们将会从心底感激你的关心。
Act on your intuition when it comes to other people’s needs.
Sometimes you can just tell when someone is upset or having a bad day. In such
cases, being considerate means checking in with them to see if your intuition is
correct. If your intuition is telling you to reach out—do it; they’ll appreciate your
concern.

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7 Tips To Help You Make Key Decisions
七个小步骤帮你做最重要的决定

做决定有时候让人头疼。很多时候，当我们面对艰难的抉择之时，我们都希望
能有一个对错异常分明(clear right and wrong)的选择。但现实中并没有这样分明的选择，而且当事人总是让事情进一
步复杂化。那么在日常生活中我们应该如何正确应对这些情形呢？这里有几个
小步骤可以帮助我们轻松做出选择。
Decisions suck sometimes. Many times when we’re in the midst of a
difficult decision, we expect there to be a clear right and wrong choice.
But there isn’t. People involved always complicate the matter further.
How in the world do we navigate these situations in our day-to-day
lives? Here are a few tips.

跳出舒适区
Do The Opposite Of What’s Comfortable

这样做我们超过一半的决定中所面临的不确定性就会消除。就我的经历而言，
这一点尤其重要，因为如果我待在舒适区内，十有八九我不会踏上那条改变我
生命轨迹的跨国旅途。
This will knock out the uncertainty in more than fifty percent of your
decisions. It’s especially true for my life, because if I had done what
felt comfortable to me, I probably would’ve never went on a crosscountry road trip that changed my life.

我家乡的很多人都选择过安逸的生活。前几天某个晚上，我看见中学相识的十

几个老同学从酒吧走出来。我想他们是绝不会离开家乡的。
Too many people in my hometown choose to stay comfortable. I was
out at the bar the other night and saw dozens of people that I used to
know from high school. They never left home I guess.

面对未知的事物，放弃（forsake）舒适感是很难的，但我敢打赌（wager），
十有八九（9 times out of 10）这是正确的选择。
It’s hard to forsake comfort for the unknown, but I’d wager that 9
times out of 10, it’s the right way to go.

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